So, it is December. The month of December always excites me. There are too many memories and events happened in December. By the way, I won a competition in Freelancer.com first time ever. Though the prize amount is very low, I am very very happy for it. I guess it was not my best work but it was my day. The month of November was quiet calm.
I don't know what to say. When I am in the lowest point, someone claims something from that lowest point. People are emotionally fool. If someone comes to you and shares his pain & struggle, you have sympathy for that person even though he / she is not much problem with that. Small small steps are the foundation for a big crush but some people don't have any brave to say the truth. They have only attitude to show their elite status.
November is the one of the least important month of my life. Maybe there were very very few positive things that happened in November. I can feel that the winter is coming but I don't like winner for few years. Once upon a time, winter was my favorite. Today is the birthday of SRK, my favorite actor. I like all his movies but some of them are epic. I wish him happy birthday🎁🎁🎁
There is a gap of one and half month between today and my last blog. There were many things that happened in between time period. There are small success and there are some failures as well.
I believe that I enjoy my failure period more than my success. When I fail or I do a mistake, I learn many things. The period of learning never ends and when it ends, you must consider yourself as death.
I got some small success in my new profession though it was very tiny. But a success is an occasion of success for me even though it is tiny.
Few days ago, I saw some beautiful scenario while crossing the river. I found that the winner is very near.
I don't know why I remember 2007, 2008, 2009 and 2010. I think I am getting older now. It may be one of the main reason. But still I feel that I am stuck in 2009-10.
That's all for today. :)
I selected wrong path many times. I never decline that there are many big mistakes done by me in life. I accept my mistakes and always try to learn from my mistakes. we try to crop up with life. Some times, we get something but want to get something else. We don't resist & just accept the thing. It is a normal event. I don't have any issue with that. But I resist and try to find out myself. I don't know about others and don't want to know anyone. I just want to find out myself.
Right now, I am none but want to become someone someday. Someone that is actually me, not someone that is made by social or fate. Reality is that I change my outlook time to time because I learn and understand things more clearly.
Sometime, floating with wave (Ongoing life) changes your actual identity.
For few days, I don't utilize my time properly. It is very common habit of mine as free time distracts my routine. But I utilize time properly in case of tight schedules. Nowadays, I have good enough time and I don't have focus. It happens with me often. Somehow, I recover from this time to time.
From now, I focus on utilizing time properly.
It is almost the darkest place where I stand. Suddenly there is a hope of enlightening the place by a firefly. Sometimes it is needed to live hopes. Otherwise, it is very easy to become depressed. We should cheer our small achievements frequently and it really needs.
Well, I got my first order in Fiverr after waiting approximately one month. It really creates an extra energy within me. Though it is a minor thing, it is the first step toward my way. ☺☺☺
There is only 2 hours remaining for the final match of Copa America 2021 between Brazil vs Argentina. There is a huge showcase seen in Facebook. I saw a lots of posts that confirmed the hype for the match. In fact, it is almost a never seeing hype. Almost every posted in FB to show support either Brazil or Argentina. It is almost an iconic event. The craze is unbelievable now.
I hope for a competitive match and victory for Brazil. :)
Sometimes it is difficult to describe about your current position as you start everything from beginning. I love the number "zero" as there is nothing less than that until you owe someone. There are many positive possibilities when you are zero. As chance of going below is almost impossible, you can take risk.
I don't feel well for few days. There is a depression working inside me. It's not about career but about relationships made in workplace.
I want happy when I took decision and started waiting for the specified date. Now I am not feeling well when few working days are remaining. I can focus on anything due to depression.
There is also a confusion inside me about the circumstance. Things happen whatever we want. It's impossible to reverse it. Similarly, I have some worst habits and attitudes. One of those is to escaping. Someone told me that I tried to escape from ongoing situation. I denied it at first then I started thinking about it. And I finally recognized that he was right. I have habits of escaping from ongoing worst scenario rather than improving it.
Life is the most complicated thing. It's like a game and I am loosing almost every single day. But it doesn't matter. Loosing game is a lesson to me. I learn from my defeated attempt. At the same time, I point out my weakness & work on improving it day by day. No one is perfect. Only practicing can make us perfectionist.
Most of us try to hide weakness rather than to improve it. Hiding weakness makes me weaker mentally.
I am loosing focus on my path now. It is not a good sign but I know current path will be more dangerous. I just hope that the plan will work. There is only one hope nothing else. 🙂🙂🙂
It is not easy to digest bitter. Sometimes, the life teaches me various lessons and forces me to digest it. But I am okay with it. Someone told me that I did not understand the world. It is definitely true that I don't understand the world fully. I never go for money. Whatever things I do, it is because of my passion toward the work. It is my biggest strength which is considered as foolish by the world. I also appreciate their opinion because everyone has right to say.
I took pressure with minimum wage. What did I get?? ?
Moving on is a better option sometime. For me, I know moving on is a worst move. But I have to do it by any means.
Sometimes we have time to express anything but we don't want to express. Similarly, we have no to express anything but we want to express many things. That is the nature of human beings.
I got too much time to express many things and I really want to express those. But I feel lack of energy nowadays. I don't know the exact reason but something is wrong. There is a huge lack of concentration. I can't focus on a particular object. There are too many random thoughts remaining in my mind in the same time. Headache becomes a normal issue.
The problem is either a health issue or a mental issue. It also can be both.
Sometimes, it is not easy to explain about upcoming things. We just need to assume the approximate situation. But we need absolute focus & concentration to estimate the approximate situation. Upcoming future is not certain when you break the ongoing path. To break the ongoing path, we need gut to take that type of decision. It may challenge your entire life.
We need time to make a proper plan and execute it. I usually take a longer time to make a proper plan. Now-a-days it is very hard to get time.
I have learnt many things from those who taught me lesson. Those are my real teachers because it helps me to explore the life deeper & to understand the meaning of life.
For some days, I am unable to focus on anything. This type of distraction is quite unusual and it must be avoided. A period of depression takes place in my life after a long time. It started and it goes on & on. It will end once but I don't know the ending date of it. At the same time, I lost my confidence as well. The scenario is definitely not in favor of me. Though I will manage it.
When I love something, I never get distracted. Whenever love turns into hate, I can still manage it. Main reason behind this distraction is very clear to me. So, I just want to leave the distraction rather than to solve the distraction.
Sometimes it is not easy to handle pressure. It can be managed somehow. Having pressure with rough behavior is a mattering thing. Tolerating rough behavior is a challenge for most of us.
I never try to compromise with misbehaving persons because it hurts my dignity and whoever hurts my dignity, is considered as my enemy by me.
The scenario is changed now. Everything is not in my hands. I don't know what step I will take. But I will take some steps for sure.
The year "2020" ended for a while now. There were many decisions taken by me for the year.
From my point of view, nothing is perfect. Human being always tries hard to make every thing perfect.
I am like an objection traveling in the universe. There was an uncertain gravitational push that forced me to change my orbit. Now, I am on the way to travel interstellar again and on the way of leaving the solar system.
Turns and twists are needed to alter the path of life.
