Friday, December 14, 2012

laughing by hearing some funny stories. It is possible to show your real face but it is impossible to change your real face. Some people think that they are over smart but they are not able to match up the level of it. When someone feces the reality, he/she may feel that he/she can’t face it. I shouldn’t have believed them but I was not in sense. 

Saturday, December 08, 2012

I am feeling pain in my heat. I don’t know why I can’t express anything.

Life will be easy if everything is expressed by writing, not by telling

No one wants to understand me even my mom. I wish I were a person who can express anything. But it must not be possible. Once I lived my life very well but now my life is imprisoned in a jar. I am none. I am just a shadow which remains behind a person. Sides of my life are two. Firstly I am a person who is very friendly, smart and charming. On the other side, I am a person who is alone and seriously frustrated about everything.

By following a shadow, where I come.

The way in which I am standing is totally unknown,

Forgetting the way of the return, where I come.

The weather is smoky and none is here, where

Getting the light of sun but leaving all the well wishers, where I come.

                                 Walk and walk where I come, now I feel afraid to see back.      

                                                 

Wednesday, December 05, 2012

The people who do not express their feelings are real poor. I don’t know the psychological term of it. When someone starts storing their feelings, he/she also starts storing their pain. I am 21 year old and still alone. And I can realize that it is my life. I have no expectations from others but why do others expect from me? I love darkness because it is very known situation of my life.

Sunday, December 02, 2012

At the end the examinations are over. It feels me relief. Someone said “you have no manner”. Maybe the person is right. I am 100% sure that she is right. I don’t know how to behave in different circumstances. I often feel that I am an alien who is the only one in the earth.

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Today is the starting day of midterm exam. The day is full of its speed. I am just recognizing that I am actually not so bad but also too weak to express. Someone said me “you should express your thought in order to decline distress” he did not know that I was actually distress.

Friday, November 09, 2012

Realization may be hard to define, but easy to feel. Someone asked me why I was there. Now I know the answer. Basically I am a freedom fighter. I mean I did not fight for country but I fought for me. So I am logically a freedom fighter. I need an independent life. Someone who is in position may feel that he/she is free. But my definition of freedom may be unique in my angle and many people feel that I am totally mental patient. Yah! They are completely right. Freedom means doing something what you actually want to do. From my childhood, I just want to go away from all. I mean I just run away from all. Maybe I am selfish; maybe I am worst than your expectation. But it does not have any basic logic.

Sunday, November 04, 2012

After a long holiday, it is time to get back at work. Winner is beginning and weather is cooler day by day. It is nice to see the rain at the month of November. A totally crazy day has gone. Raining in November may be truly amzing. In the evening when I was in the road, stoped for one second and started thinking where I was going. But basically I have no answer for it.

Monday, October 08, 2012

It’s the busiest day of the year so far. I actually realize what basically I do. I don’t need concentration because I can’t focus in one direction. I always focus there and here without any reason/ with reason. If something is predicted, the result of it will always be predictable. And I hate predictable things. I love surprises and I hope that life will surprise me at any point of time. It is funny that I never count anything which is done y me. When I decided to take computer as a 4th subject at class nine along in the class, I am asked many questions by some people. They thought I could not perform well in the main subjects then why I took a hard subject like computer along. At that time, I didn’t care about anything and I just listened to my heart. Basically I hate competition because I consider me as the weakest in any direction for all time. I am not special one but whenever I look at my mom and dad, I can understand that I may be someone who is special for them. I feel that my life is not my own life. I know I can’t express love but love doesn’t mean that you have to say ‘I love you’ each and every time to someone who is liked by you.

Saturday, October 06, 2012

feeling disturbing for some unknown reason can be reason for some unknown pain. Basically I am not feeling well now.

Sunday, September 30, 2012

Days are going so fast that I can not adjust with that. After a long time, my classes started from last day. The result was published on 26 September. I got CGPA 3.538 which was just about ok. Last day I felt amazing when I was in the road and it was raining. The road was quiet and I feel alone in a crowded road for one second.

Saturday, September 08, 2012

I always forget that I am a human. Some things remain in the air that can not be seen if anyone wants to see it.

Tuesday, September, 18, 2012

Some calls are come from those which are unexpected and heart-touchable. Last day I received a call which is actually touched my heart. I was very emotional during talking in my phone. The call was made by my school friend ‘YASIN’. I really feel I am not so mutual that I can handle a relationship. I don’t know why I can’t concentrate my mind in one way. I always focus here and there which is basically my problem.

Sunday, September 02, 2012:

Am I living my life? Maybe no, because I am only a fixation which only can exist, but can’t live life. Today I am feeling so low that I want to break some things, hit somebody and loud highly. It is funny but true that I tried many times to commit suicide. But I could not do it because of my fear ness. I am totally frustrated and confused. Basically I am bad because I deeply feel that I am bad. And I don't care what people consider me. Once someone told to me 'it is not matter what people think about you but it is matter what you think about yourself" I wish I were not there. Most of my friends impress to see my external look, they think I don't know what tension is and I enjoy the life. But this is not me actually. I am a looser. I know I have not much time but every moment is painful for me. Everyone will die once but I am dying everyday, every moment.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Music has no language, words or meaning but has only a sense that makes us happy and gives peace. Basically I like any kind of music if the melody of the song is perfect. For me, music can fulfill one’s heart with its ultimate power. If I am in pain, I will listen to emotional songs. If I am happy, I will hear dancing or light trucks.
From my point of views, sometimes music can say somethings which may be i can't say.

Monday, August 27, 2012

Last day was my accounting exam which was very badly performed by me. I had no game-plan that’s why it happened with me. But I notice one thing and that is that I am scamp because I can’t feel gloomy for a long time.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

I spend my whole EID in my room this year and watch some movies. The weather is wonderful for remaining in home. It looks like a broken angel who cries after sometimes.

Start is for end
Life is for remaining
Study is for fun
Family is for security
Dream is for someday
Love is for pain
Pain is for life
And I am for nothing

Thursday, 16 August 2012

I can be a worst If a measurement is required. I consider me a the weakest because it is the perfect definition of mine. I always expect the lowest thing which can earn easily. For me, i do not able to calculate the accurate calculation.

Sunday, August 05, 2012

It was a long day. I just want to go where my fate takes me. Last day, I heard some really nice words from our math teacher. He described the reality but I can’t face reality because I am not for this world in reality. I know the people who love me, will be always with me.

Sunday, August 05, 2012

Sunday, August 05, 2012: It is a long day. I just want to go where my fate takes me. Last day, I heard some really nice words from our math teacher. He described the reality but I can’t face reality because I am not for this world in reality. He told us that we should find our duties and do it. I know the people who love me, will be always with me.

Thursday July 12, 2012

whenever I meet with someone who remembers me about me, I become surprised and stop thinking and ask me “am I real?” Today someone really shows my real identity. Basically I didn’t change me and never tried to change me at all. Right now I have no real friends or core friend. I can’t match my mind with anyone who is unknown. Maybe, it is a psychological problem but I will try to find my way.

Walk and walk where I come, now I feel afraid to see back.

Sunday May 27, 2012

I am very happy that KKR won the final and became the champion. I don’t know when last time I am so happy like that. It is an untold happiness. I have been waiting 5 years for it and now my dream is fulfilled. I just can’t express it in words.