Monday, July 30, 2018 (A realization after losing shadow)

Remaining silent does not mean that I don’t have any feeling at all. But remaining silent stores pain in every moment. After a while those pain make a hill of pain and those pains make a mountain after a few years.  The silent persons suffer more than the expressive persons because an expressive person can reduce his pain by sharing or telling about his pain to others. On the other hand, silent persons don’t share or express their pain and it increases day by day. I am a reserved person. Today is the first year of losing my shadow. The shadow followed me even though there was no light. I don’t know why I think about that shadow all the time. Maybe some things have not been told to that shadow. When the shadow went away from me forever, I realized about untold sayings. Every person has some words to say to some specific persons. Though I did not have a friendly relationship with my father, I miss him always. Every day, every hour, whenever I get time to think, I miss him. 

Wednesday, July 18, 2018 (Effort and Expectation)

There are many quotations that we hear or see in various places. Whenever I see a useful quotation, I try to follow it. Because it gives motivation, inspiration and a new way of life. I heard a quotation from my HRM teacher, Abu Nur Isa, that was “work more and expect less”. I follow it as I expect much lower than my input. In Fact, I often don’t care about result and greatly focus on the task assigned for me. I always psychologically prepare to accept any low result in my side. Because I believe that I deserve the lowest one. But Allah always gives me a better thing. Maybe someone’s prayer is with me. For me, winning a big battle is not important but winning many small battles is a matter. And I am actually happy to get an unexpected better thing.

Small steps are safer than long steps in long run

Monday, July 16, 2018 (End of FIFA world Cup-18)

So, France has won the world cup 2018. I did not expect it but everything is unpredictable in case of sports. Sometimes, underdog can be the winner. Time is passing very fast.


In 2002, I was in Primary School and that was only real when I saw Brazil winning the world cup. In 2006, I was in High School. In 2010, I was in College and I was in University in 2014. Now, I am a jobholder. I see every world cup as a new persons.

Friday, July 06, 2018

We become happy when there is someone to love and care you because we need someone to care us, to love us, to understand us. People always want them to stay near by persons who love, care and understand them. And there is nothing wrong on their want. 

My communication skill is very poor. I never try to influence anyone to care or love me. But still there are few persons who care me. Maybe they find something in me that they like. Whenever I find someone who care, love and understand me, I try to stay away from them. For this behavior, maybe people consider me as a lunatic person. Their assumption is not wrong because a lunatic person does an activity without any reason for his own loss. But I have reason to do such acts. When someone likes me, loves me, cares me, I feel that I don’t deserve that love or care. I feel that they give me something excess. I know I can't give back such love and care to them. Their love is a burden for me and it will increase over the time. So, I try to stay away from them. But such acts make them feel that I ignore their love and care which is not true. I just feel that I don’t deserve their love. That’s all.